Last No More (Me, Finally)
There was a time in my life when I believed that putting others first was the kindest, most selfless thing I could do.
I poured my time, energy and heart for others, whenever I feel that I can, I would willingly help others reach their goals – even if it means postponing my own goals and plans. I would say yes before I even had time to think. I showed up, gave my time, my energy and sometimes even my own resources, just to help the people important to me to move ahead. I believed it was the right thing to do—to lift them up even if it meant putting my self and my dreams to the bottom of the list. I convinced myself that my wants can still wait, my goals weren’t urgent… that somehow, somehow seeing the people important to me happy and thriving is worth sacrificing my own wants and dreams.
After all, being a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend, a good wife or a good mom meant putting yourself last, right?
But here I am, after so many years, I saw the cost – I can’t get those years back, all the opportunities I turned down, the dreams I put on hold, the plans I tucked away so I could lift others up. I thought it was what I had to do, while I do not regret being kind, I do regret forgetting to be kind to myself.
It had to take one ugly experience to realize that because I am not being kind to myself, I am disappearing...
A couple of years ago, someone came to me for help during a very low point in her life. I opened my doors—figuratively and literally. I adjusted my priorities so I could be there for her. I advocated for her. I connected her with opportunities. I supported her emotionally, mentally, and even financially.
And when she finally got what she wanted?
It was like a switch flipped.
The gratitude I expected—not because I needed praise, but because kindness deserves acknowledgment—wasn’t there. In fact, what I got was cold distance and eventually, dismissal. She made it clear that she didn’t owe me anything. As if kindness came with no emotional cost and it was my choice to help, she didn’t force me anyway. As if it was my fault because I cared.
It was one of the deepest disappointments I’ve ever felt—not because I was expecting anything in return, but because I genuinely loved and cared for her. I gave her importance. I believed in her potential. My intention was pure: to help her stand on her own, to rise above the challenges she had come from and to finally build a better life. She came to me from a situation I had seen coming—a path I knew would lead nowhere good. And despite that, I welcomed her in and did what I could to help her turn things around. I truly thought that with the right support, she would finally choose better.
But somewhere along the way, she repeated the same patterns. She made choices that even I, who had known her struggles, didn’t expect. She put herself in yet another situation that showed me—maybe she wasn’t ready to change after all. Maybe her priorities were never really about growth, healing or stability. Maybe they were always about chasing comfort, money, and material things. And that’s why she never aspired for anything deeper, anything more lasting. She chose to be with someone who, to this day, remains one of the most dishonest people I’ve ever encountered, someone with the lowest character I’ve ever known. It was like watching someone you love walk straight into a fire, while you stood there, helpless and burned by the fallout.
That experience made me see something I had ignored for too long: I had been pouring into her from a cup I had already emptied for others. I wasn’t just tired—I was drained. Emotionally. Mentally. Even spiritually. I wasn’t helping from a place of abundance. I was helping from a place of sacrifice. And it cost me pieces of myself I’m still trying to recover.
That person made me realize a lot of things, what she did was a painful but a powerful wake-up call: Some people are only there to take what they need. Not everyone will see your effort. Not everyone will value your heart.
It is sad that I had to learn that the hard way. I don’t regret being kind—but I do regret making myself so small just to make others feel big. I regret putting myself last on my list, thinking it made me the good person that I needed to be for the people I value.
That experience was a turning point. It forced me to ask myself: How many more times will I keep shrinking myself to lift someone who doesn’t even want to grow?
I realized I couldn’t keep betraying myself just to prove my loyalty to people who wouldn’t even think twice about leaving me empty. From that moment on, I made a quiet but powerful decision, I will no longer pour into people who make me feel like I’m hard to love or easy to forget. I will no longer tie my worth to how much I can give or how much I can sacrifice.
I will no longer be the one who always shows up for others while constantly abandoning myself.
Now, I’m learning to choose differently.
To be kind, but with boundaries.
To support others, but never at the cost of abandoning myself.
To give, but only from the overflow—not from the depths of what I need to survive.
Because the truth is, I can’t keep fixing others while I’m falling apart. I can’t keep giving my best to people who only see me as useful, not valuable.
If this story resonates with you, know this: you’re not alone. There’s nothing wrong with having a big heart. But let’s stop giving people permission to trample on it.
Put yourself back on your list. Not last—but first. Because you matter, too.
Thank you for reading. If this stirred something in you, share it with someone who needs the reminder. And please—don’t forget to come back for more stories, reflections, and life lessons here on Cup of Tyh.
